Camelot Capers!
by serial blogger
Summary: A series of drabbles and one shots following the citizens of Camelot. Involving bad hair days, inept sorcerers,  cross dressing and other random subjects from my imagination! Review for a chance to appear in a later chapter!
1. Growing Pains

**Growing pains**

**So this is my first ever drabble! Quite exciting! This was sort of inspired by Colin Morgan's appearance on Doctor Who as Jethro, you'll see what I mean. Hope you like it, and make sure you review! And before anyone points it out, I realise a sixth century warlock wouldn't know what skinny jeans are, but I'm applying poetic license. Okay? Besides, when you're writing about a sixth century warlock I don't think facts are a major priority!**

Merlin woke up feeling different, unlike his usual optimistic self. Something was wrong. He got out of bed Trudging downstairs he was met with a bemused look from Gaius.

"What?" Merlin demanded.

Gaius didn't reply Merlin stomped over to the mirror.  
>Merlin looked at his reflection and was met with a worrying sight, his hair all over his face, heavy black eyeliner. He couldn't understand it, he was fine when he went to bed last night. And then he looked down.<p>

"_Just kill me now!" _Skinny jeans?

He turned to Gaius.

"Gaius, what's happened to me?" He begged

"I believe you have fallen victim to a very dangerous form of magic. If I am correct then you have been turned into… a teenager!"

Merlin suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to cry.


	2. You didn't see that one coming!

**You didn't see that one coming!**

**This drabble is inspired by something that really annoys me. Arthur getting knocked out, punched, poisoned and what not at least once an episode and still be able to walk round without any obvious injuries! It defies the laws of medical science! Anyway… this chapter introduces a possibly reoccurring character, the inept sorcerer. Please review to tell me what you think of said sorcerer and suggestions for names would be much appreciated! If I do pick your suggestion I will also write you into a drabble! So if that isn't an incentive I don't know what is!**

Arthur faced the sorcerer, sword raised, determination in his eyes.

"You will never succeed!" Arthur shouted, slightly overdramatically.

"I will!" The sorcerer spat venomously.

Arthur waited for the inevitable. But it seemed the inevitable had taken his chance and gone on a well-deserved break. Well, he had been working all day.

"This is where you knock me out." Arthur pointed out.

"Sorry?" The sorcerer asked, out of character

"Well normally the villain knocks me out now. A vase to the head, thrown against a wall, that sort of thing." Arthur offered helpfully.

"Oh, sorry!" he replied, embarrassed.

"Don't worry." Arthur consoled. "Shall we start again?"

He nodded

"You will never succeed!"

"I will!"

The sorcerer's eyes glowed gold and a vase flew out of nowhere and knocked out the king. The sorcerer then stalked out of the room, stepping over the unconscious man.

"Ha! Vase to your head! You didn't see that one coming. Did you?" The sorcerer mocked.


	3. Bad hair day

**Bad hair day**

**So here's the next drabble, and as the title suggests Gwaine has a bit of a bed-head-day. Oh I am evil aren't I? Ruining his gorgeous hair like that! Oh well I write the drabbles, I decide what goes in them! thank you to everyone who has favourited/alerted so far, don't forget to review! Please please please! **

"Come on Gwaine, it can't be that bad." Arthur reasoned. Percival passed the door on his way to training, on hearing the conversation he was intrigued. Arthur had been outside Gwaine's chambers for the past two hours trying to coax him out. For reasons unknown to either of them Gwaine was refusing to leave the confines of his room.

"Fine," Came the muffled response from behind the door, "But you have to promise not to laugh."

"We promise." Arthur vowed, somewhat insincerely.

After a moment out emerged Gwaine, tear stained and shaking. His hair was untamed and frankly a mess, a far cry from the usual sleek do that oozed sex appeal.

Percival and Arthur tried to hide their smirks and laughter. Tried and failed.

"So what's the problem?" Arthur attempted nonchalance but it sounded more like he was choking as he tried to conceal his laughter.

"What do you think is the problem?" Gwaine retaliated, on the verge of breaking down again, "My hair! It's a mess!" This admission is what tipped him over the edge, he ended up sobbing into Arthur's chainmail. Something that Arthur found less than funny, Percival on the other hand…

"Come on, you're overreacting." He explained, "I have bad hair days, you don't see me complaining."

Gwaine took an interlude from weeping on Arthur's shoulder to stare round at Percival quizzically. He was about to point out the obvious when he realised that the knight was joking. At _Gwaine's _expense. With this he released Arthur and darted back inside his room, locking the door again preparing for another _"woe is me" _session.

It was going to be a long day.


	4. Bad decisions

**Bad decisions**

**This is a one-shot as opposed to a drabble-oh I do spoil you!-purely because I got carried away with this one and I didn't have the heart to cut it down! This came to me as I was re-watching "Gwaine" (Series three, episode four) and it got me thinking _"Gwen gets all the fit men!" _so I decided to write this. Now for this one to work I had to involve Lancelot so excuse that literary inaccuracy. But hey, it's Lancelot I'd excuse him of anything if it meant I could stare at him for a bit longer! (That came across a lot creepier than I intended.) Hope you like this one! And remember to review for a chance to appear in a future drabble!**

"Unfortunately I'm not a princess." Gwen admitted, although she was sure Gwaine already knew.

"Ah, well you see, you are to me." Gwaine charmed.

This probably wasn't the best time for Lancelot to be taking a stroll through the marketplace. He caught sight of the stranger flirting with Gwen. With his Guinevere.

Arthur was on his usual patrol of the marketplace, a ritual he carried out every day at this time. He noticed Gwen, Lancelot and Gwaine engrossed in some sort of argument. He thought, wrongly, that he should probably intervene.

"How dare you make advances towards her!" Lancelot spat at Gwaine.

"Who's this then?" he asked Gwen cheekily, "It looks like I've got competition!" he laughed, then Arthur was at his shoulder.

"What's happening?" Arthur questioned, "Lancelot?"

Lancelot ignored him, clearly ignorant of the prince's presence due to his all-consuming rage. So Gwaine attempted to explain the situation. The final bad decision of the day.

"I made a play for the woman he likes." Gwaine announced, somewhat apologetically.

"Oh, and who's this?" Arthur commented cheekily. He always suspected Lancelot of being an old romantic.

Gwaine looked to Gwen, hoping that she would pick up from where he'd left off. Gwen shook her head at Gwaine in a desperate attempt to shut him up. It didn't work, Arthur had worked it out.

"Gwen?" he asked with the look of a kicked puppy.

Suddenly Lancelot cannoned into Gwaine knocking him to the ground, aiming furious punches at his face. Gwaine managed to avoid every one and jump to his feet.

"Okay, I can understand your anger." Gwaine reasoned. Was he conceding? "It must be difficult to get women with a face like that!" no, he wasn't.

Gwen watched as Lancelot launched another attack on Gwaine. He threw him to the ground again, but this time Arthur, who was throwing his fair share of punches, was involved. The men had drawn a sizeable crowd by this point, all chanting them on. Gwen decided now was probably the best time to walk away. By now Lancelot had Gwaine pinned down by his hair and Arthur had his hands round Lancelot's neck. Yeah this was definitely the time to walk away.

After about five minutes of fighting Lancelot had emerged victorious. Arthur was out cold and Gwaine was lying on the ground gasping for breath. He stood up, brushed himself off and looked round for Guinevere. She was nowhere to be seen, neither were the crowd. The audience had grown bored after it was made clear that this was probably going to be a pretty pathetic fight.

Gwaine lay there for a second, trying to regain his composure. After a moment he looked up and spotted the perfect opportunity for revenge. Lancelot was stood in front of Gwaine with his back to him. Gwaine stretched out his leg, wrapped it round Lancelot's ankle and tripped him up, sending the knight crashing to the ground, knocking him out. Gwaine then stood up, dusted himself off, gave his hair-which still seemed to be perfect, despite the fight-a flick and strode off towards the tavern. This was probably going to take some explaining, and explaining things was always easier when he was drunk.


	5. This isn't Shoreditch!

**Life on somewhere that isn't 21****st**** century Shoreditch**

**I know, I know, I did my disappearing act again! But I'm back now and that's all that matters. Now this is something that has been gnawing at the back of my mind for ages and I had to write it down. If you guys like it I'm considering turning it into a full-blown multi-chapter, or just keep it at drabbles, I haven't decided yet. Now it's a little rough around the edges so excuse that aspect. And in case you can't work it out it's a cross-over of Life on Mars (the UK version) and Merlin. It features Sasha Barnes who, unlike Sam Tyler, lacks the superiority complex and irritating character traits, so hopefully she's a lot more likeable. Review and tell me if you like her/hate her, whatever. And remember if you review I might just put you in a chapter! So enjoy!**

She saw the car come speeding towards her, there was nothing she could do. Feeling the pain rocket through her spine as the bumper hit her, she saw her life flash before her eyes. Her head split in agony as she hit the tarmac. And then it went black.

When she woke she could hear voices and not ones that she recognised, the sunlight stung her eyes. She didn't recognise their faces. Looking up she saw thatched roofs, horses and carts, and people in period costume.

This certainly wasn't Shoreditch.

Suddenly he felt the need to recite a dramatic monologue.

"My name is Sasha Barnes." She told no one in particular, "I had an accident and woke up in medieval England. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time?"

_**To be continued?**_


	6. Mona Lisa smile

**Mona Lisa smile**

**Next chapter! Whoo! I would like to say a big thank you to whitecrossgirl for consistently reviewing and generally being lovely! Thank you! And the rest of you please review, please please please! There's no need to be shy, I'm a very friendly person and I will respond to all of your reviews. And remember reviewers could get the chance to appear in a future drabble, also thank you to everyone who has favourited/alerted! I love you all!**

Morgana watched Arthur grieve for his dead father and king. She had been waiting for this moment for so long, the moment when Arthur was at his weakest. Camelot was hers for the taking, all she had to do was get rid of Arthur, and that wouldn't be difficult. She placed her hand on his shoulder, playing the consoling friend act, a role she had perfected over the years. Feeling a grin tug at the corner of her mouth, she let it come. Morgana was so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed Arthur looking at her. He had turned round expecting to see her in tears or at least slightly upset, instead she was grinning, quite evilly.

Well, to say the moment that followed was awkward was certainly an understatement.

**Come on review! You know you want to, I will love you forever if you do!**


	7. Under pressure

**Under pressure!**

**So next chapter! Not much to say about this one, so sorry if I'm not my normal chatty self. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed favourited and alerted, and remember review to appear in a later chapter!**

"With this new plan, we cannot fail!" Morgana cackled pacing the floor of her hovel, Agravaine sat at the table thinking.

"Well, it can't possibly go as badly as last time." Agravaine muttered.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Morgana replied indignantly.

"Nothing my lady," Agravaine began, "It's just that," He paused, choosing his words carefully, "Well our plans haven't exactly been successful recently have they?"

"We managed to kill Uther didn't we?" Morgana pointed out.

"Yes, and it was a brilliantly devised plan. But since then we haven't actually managed to get any closer to killing Arthur."

Morgana stopped her pacing, Agravaine suddenly regretted what he had said, scared of what she would do. Morgana took a sharp intake of breath. Agravaine closed his eyes, bracing himself.

Seconds passed. Nothing happened. Agravaine opened his eyes and was met with Morgana sat at the table head in her hands.

"It's just so much pressure!" She moaned, suddenly bursting into floods of tears. Through her tears she managed to wail, "I can't cope!"

Agravaine was left at a loss, he didn't know how to deal with a crying woman. He was a man, he didn't do emotion. Morgana continued her wailing, Agravaine placed a consoling hand on her shoulder.


	8. Just kill him!

Just kill him!

Hi guys! Hope you're enjoying the drabbles so far! This one is inspired by one of my pet peeves (I know I have a lot!) and it doesn't just refer to Merlin but also to Bond films and basically anything that has an evil villain in. The fact that they have every opportunity to kill the hero, but instead they come up with an over complicated, unnecessary plan that "cannot possibly fail! Mwa ha ha!" and then ultimately- it fails! Anyway on with todays drabble! And remember to review!

Morgana screamed, throwing a pot against the wall in anger.

"Merlin has foiled our plans once again!" she bellowed to anyone who was listening. She leant over the table and then promptly swept everything on it to the floor.

"Morgana?" Agravaine began timidly.

"what?" the poison dripped from her words, so much so that Agravaine could taste the bitterness in his mouth.

"well, I had an idea." Morgana rolled her eyes, Agravaine's ideas were always pathetic.

"well don't make a habit of it, you could injure yourself." She spat.

"I was just thinking," he began again, still very fearful, "we could just kill him, Merlin I mean. We have ample opportunity, it wouldn't be too difficult."

He waited for her response in earnest like an over-eager child. There was a long tense pause that was filled with Morgana pacing the floor, as if considering his proposal. After a while Morgana turned to him and,

"don't be so stupid Agravaine!"


	9. For the good of the kingdom

**For the good of the kingdom**

**Hello people, it's another one-shot! I've decided to make this a permanent feature seeing as nobody likes Mondays, so to cheer you up every Monday I will publish a one-shot! Now doesn't that make dragging yourself out of bed after two days of lie ins so much easier? I would just like to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed, you're all amazing and I love you and keep it up! Anyway enough of me talking (or typing) let's just get on with the story!**

Merlin rifled through Morgana's chambers, desperately searching for the poultice that would save Camelot. He was so busy searching that he hadn't heard the lady Morgana's maidservant enter the room. He came to a drawer that was locked, he could practically feel the magic emanating from inside it so he uttered a spell under his breath,

"Wangstede se castenere."

The drawer opened with a click and within it was the poultice. The magic was practically bleeding from it, Merlin snatched it up when he heard a noise behind him.

Gwen entered the room carrying a basket of laundry, she hadn't expected to find Merlin ransacking Morgana's drawers. She cleared her throat as an indication of her presence and Merlin whirled round, a shocked look adorning his face. But it wasn't his being there, in Morgana's chambers, that shocked Gwen, it was what he was holding in his hand.

"Merlin!" Gwen announced, shocked and confused, "What are you doing?"

"Gwen!" Merlin was horrified, his heart was beating so fast his chest could barely contain it. His mind went into overdrive as he tried to think of an excuse as to why he was in Morgana's chambers holding an instrument of magic. He came up with nothing, all the excuses were useless.

"Merlin." Gwen said again, her voice was now serious and commanding, an unusual trait in the often shy and kind serving girl. "I'm going to ask you one last time. What are you doing?"

Merlin knew there was no point in denying it, Gwen was clever and a dear friend. She'd caught him red-handed and he wasn't going to insult her intelligence by feeding her a pack of lies. After all Gwen _was_ his friend, surely she wouldn't turn him in?

"Okay," Merlin began sombre, "The truth is," he paused trying to shift the lump in his throat, "I did it for Arthur."

"Arthur?" Gwen repeated, sounding devastated. Her eyes drifted to the floor.

"I did it for the good of the kingdom," he stated, a tear now rolling down his face. He knew what was to come, Gwen had no obligation to protect Merlin, friend or otherwise.

Gwen's eyes snapped up from their place on the floor confusion travelling its way across her face again. Confusion that Merlin didn't seem to notice through his tear-filled eyes.

"I'm sorry Gwen, I didn't mean to lie to you. I understand if…"

He was cut off by Gwen.

"Merlin." she began again misunderstanding filling her eyes and her words, "Are you honestly trying to tell me that you were going through Morgana's underwear drawer for the good of the kingdom?"

"What?" Gwen wasn't the only one that was confused now.

That was until he looked down, in his right hand he was holding the poultice. But in his left… oh no, he must have picked it up without realising when he was going through the drawers. How could he not have noticed? Well he had been very panicked and it all just happened so fast. Well however it had happened, he was now holding one of Morgana's corsets!

"Oh brilliant!" he muttered under his breath.

"_Now would be a great time for the ground to just swallow me up." _he thought to himself.

Unfortunately it didn't, in fact the ground had no intentions of swallowing Merlin up, at least not until it had seen how he was going to get out of this one.

He just stood there for a second, if it had been someone else in this situation he probably would have laughed. But it wasn't he'd got himself into this situation. Merlin was either going to be burned at the stake or branded a pervert, either way he wasn't getting out of this with his dignity intact.


	10. Slash action!

**Slash action!**

**Another one shot! I know I'll get back to drabbles tomorrow, I promise. Now this is an extremely long one so I will undestand if you lot just skip this chapter (I would, I have such a short attention span!), but if you do read it then please review! Hope you** **like it, can't wait to log on tomorrow evening to see all those lovely review notifications, they really make my day! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! It might feel like I'm keeping you hanging on for the one where you guys appear, but at the moment I'm in the middle of my GCSE's and it's 4 weeks before I leave school (Agghh! There's so much to do!) so it's a bit manic, but give it a couple of weeks and everyone who has reviewed, and those who are yet to review, will get a chance to appear in a one shot or a drabble (depending on how much time I have!). Anyway hope you enjoy today's chapter!**

Merlin lumped the armour through the door and dumped it onto the wooden table in the centre of Arthur's chambers. He hadn't noticed Arthur standing a few feet away. The reason he hadn't noticed him was because the king had a parchment in his hand, he was so engrossed in the writing that he didn't even look up as Merlin entered the room. Merlin had just begun to polish the armour when Arthur commanded,

"Merlin, stop." Arthur's voice sounded uneasy and unconfident.

Merlin looked round, slightly startled.

"Arthur!" he hadn't expected to see him for hours yet, "I thought you had a council meeting today?"

"Yes," his voice was flat and confused, "It was cancelled."

"Are you alright?" Merlin enquired, he was concerned, normally Arthur would have thrown something at him by now.

"No." he replied simply before continuing, "Merlin I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to give me an honest answer."

Arthur paced the room, trying to think of a way to phrase the question, despite practising about seventy two times before Merlin had entered the room.

"Merlin-do-you-like-me?" he garbled the question so fast that the words were barely coherent but Merlin managed to get the idea.

"Do I like you?" he repeated, just for clarity.

Arthur nodded.

"Well, you're alright. You're a bit of a prat sometimes, and you could give me the odd day off. But generally, you're bearable." He answered, careful to not offend Arthur, but also not wanting to admit that he did actually enjoy being in the king's company.

Arthur still wasn't satisfied, so he pressed on.

"But do you… _like_… me."

Merlin suddenly realised what the king was "hinting" at. Although Arthur's hints were about as subtle as a kick in the ribs.

"Oh God! No! No, no, definitely not! Not now, not ever! No! No way! No!" Merlin insisted.

So that's a no then?

"Good," Arthur replied genuinely relieved, "That's good… I'm glad to hear that, that's good, great in fact."

Oh great! It seems verbal diarrhoea is contagious!

Arthur finished his ramblings and turned his back on Merlin, striding over to his bed as if nothing had happened, Merlin got back to the polishing.

"Out of interest," Merlin started up again, "Why did you ask?"

"Oh, no reason." Arthur couldn't do nonchalance if his life depended on it.

"Arthur?" Merlin grated, he was going to get the truth out of him, one way or another.

Arthur sunk. His shoulders fell and he submitted.

"Okay," he admitted after a long sigh, "I found this in the library."

He indicated to the parchment he held in his hand, Merlin got up out of his seat and took it from Arthur's hand.

"_Merthur slash?"_ Merlin read, confused, the words didn't make sense, "What's that?" he asked Arthur.

"Just read it." Arthur replied.

Merlin eyes scanned the page fairly quickly, his face contorting in horror with every passing second. When he finally finished the piece he looked up at Arthur, they were both the picture of bruised innocence.

"That's horrible! And untrue! I wouldn't want to… you know, not with you." Merlin illustrated.

Suddenly a noise sounded from behind them, the click of the door. And in entered Gwen. A look of horror crept across Arthur's face. He quickly hid the parchment behind his back and painted a smile on his face.

"Guinevere!" Arthur announced far too brightly.

"What are you two doing?" she asked, suspiciously.

"Us? Nothing. Absolutely nothing, it's actually been a pretty boring day." Arthur garbled.

"What's that behind your back?" she enquired, her interest well and truly piqued.

"Nothing." Arthur replied – return of the unconvincing nonchalance!

"It's a surprise." Merlin blurted out.

Arthur whirled round to Merlin, giving him _"the death stare"._ But then he decided that he had nothing to lose, he may as well go with it.

"Yes, it's a surprise." Arthur stated, "For you." He added for clarity.

"Ahhh, that's so sweet!" Gwen cooed. But then the typical female trait of _"give it to me now" _kicked in.

"Can I see it?" this was less a question, more a demand.

"No." Arthur replied trying to buy some time.

"Oh," she did her best puppy-dog eyes, "Please."

But it didn't work on Arthur.

"No Gwen!" he said feeling a lot like her father.

"Fine." She replied with all the temperament of a moody teenager.

Suddenly her eyes drifted up to between the two men's shoulders, she was staring at the wall terror dripping from her features.

"Oh my god!" she squealed, and then, "Arthur behind you!" she shouted at the top of her voice.

Merlin and Arthur spun on the spot, Arthur unsheathing his sword, there was nothing there. Gwen took her chance while their backs were turned and grabbed the parchment out of Arthur's hand. Arthur realised and quickly sheathed his sword, turning back to Gwen.

"Gwen, give it to me." He ordered.

But it was too late she was already reading it. Arthur hung his head, he had no idea how he was going to get out of this one.

"Gwen," he began in an attempt to explain, but she cut him off.

"Where did you get this?" Gwen questioned him, this wasn't the question that Arthur had been expecting.

"In the library," he began, "Does that matter?"

"Arthur, I'm sorry!" she cried, "I didn't think you'd find it, I didn't mean it like that I promise… I …" Gwen babbled.

"Hold on, you wrote this?" Arthur asked, shocked.

Gwen was looking anywhere but at Arthur that was confirmation enough.

"Why? Why would you write something like that?" Arthur begged, at a complete loss to explain himself.

"Well some friends of mine told me about me it and I thought I'd try it out." She wrung her hands in guilt.

"So you wrote about me and Merlin…" he couldn't even finish his sentence.

"Well you'd been away on some quest, and well, I missed you. You know it's difficult having to stay behind, it was just a distraction." For a second Arthur felt bad, it was harmless – he wasn't sure if Merlin would agree but his opinion didn't matter – but it was, as she said, just a distraction then Gwen added to her sentence meaning all feelings of guilt were dispelled.

"Besides, a girl can dream can't she?"

Arthur turned to Merlin, simultaneous fear and disgust etched itself across their faces. They both felt sick to their stomach. They had to get out. Now.

"I'm going to… clean the... battlements." Merlin announced hastily. He then left the room as quickly as he possibly could.

"The… broom cupboards need inspecting!" Arthur came out with, leaving just as fast as Merlin so as to avoid the awkward, _"let's talk about how each other feels" _conversation.

And Gwen was left on her own. She didn't mind too much, she still had the parchment!

**If you're reading this then you've clearly read this chapter. In which case any spelling/grammar etc. mistakes are completely unintentional and I'm sorry, but I didn't have much time tonight, tomorrow it will be better I promise! Thanks for reading and remember to review x**


	11. Long awaited explanation

Long awaited explanation:

I'm regretting having to post this and I'm so sorry that I have had to, but I am afraid that due to exams, GCSEs and coursework I am completely snowed under. At the moment fanfiction is the last thing on my mind. (I hope you understand, it's not that I don't value you guys!) I leave school on the 18th of May and from then on it should start going back to normal, I can't promise anything as I don't finish my exams until June 20th but I will try my best to post once a week (more often for Camelot Capers!). And to all the guys who have been reading "A Hidden Threat" I am so sorry it's taken me this long to give you an explanation. There is really no excuse and I hope you can forgive me! Anyway I hope to see you at the end of next month! I have also created a Windows Live Messenger and Twitter account, if anyone is interested in my inane ramblings then PM me and I'll give you the username/s

Love you all! x

(I realise I shouldn't be posting this, so I will probably take this down after a couple of days.)


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